How do I know if it's love or just infatuation? I'm scared of making a mistake!

How do I know if it's love or just infatuation? I'm scared of making a mistake!

Can that person do no wrong in your eyes, so you feel so giddy with admiration at their perfection? Or can you see both their strengths and flaws, yet these make them more attractive to you? 

What you are feeling might be infatuation, or it might be love. Both feelings involve our brain releasing a variety of hormones that makes our heart beat faster, our excitement and anticipation increase and just makes us feel pure joy. 

Why is it important to differentiate between love and infatuation though? Often, we make a lot of decisions that affect our future when we feel good, especially when we are “in love”. Thus it is crucial that we make informed decisions based on reality. 

Infatuation and love, a side by side comparison

• Infatuation highlights perfection. Love encourages growth despite imperfection. 

When we are infatuated with someone, we see them in their best selves. We hold their positive qualities to the light and may ignore their flaws. We feel disappointed when we finally realize they are not the perfect person we thought they were or when the feeling of infatuation naturally fades. 

Get to know someone deeply, and you see their flaws. Accepting them as part of who they are becomes the foundation for a healthy relationship. Love also allows you both to behave as you are. 

• Infatuation focuses on the other person. Love focuses on mutual growth.

Glassy-eyed and staring into space. You might be thinking about that person in the middle of a class or work. A study has shown that being infatuated and attached to another person might decrease our ability to adjust our actions and make decisions. Meeting and finally becoming attached to a person who has values that are aligned to your own makes you want to develop into the best version of yourself. Both parties benefit from pursuing shared goals. 

• Infatuation knows no boundaries. Love sets priorities. 

At the height of our infatuation, we are more likely to accommodate all activities that will bring us closer to our loved one, while compromising other priorities and relationships. We do all to fit in and feel close to them, risking our other friendships.

Being mindful of our thoughts and actions related to the person and practicing more self-care activities instead might decrease negative thoughts from taking control of our actions. Love makes you more practical and reasonable. 

Developing our romantic feelings

1. Untangle preconceived ideas and interpretations. Getting to know our own feelings and opening our mind to get to know the other person helps us see each other’s inner world and we can decide to pursue a deeper relationship with them. 

Being vulnerable with our own person, including our imperfections, is uncomfortable, and seeing our partner’s as well requires a lot of patience and courage. But this honesty frees us from judgment and blaming. 

1. Break down walls and communicate. How would we like loved ones to communicate with us? Many would say that they want to feel respected, cared for, and loved during conversations with loved ones, especially in challenging times in the relationship. This requires both parties to be mindful to speak with tenderness, gentleness and respect to one another. 

Knowing the signs of infatuation and love helps us navigate our own emotions, thoughts and behavior in building our close relationships. In addition, seeking help from mental health therapists and counselors can further enhance your coping strategies and relationship skills.

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