What is the link between happiness and having children? Looking into the joys of being a parent.

Across all cultures, the idea that having children brings happiness has spread so much that it is believed and even felt everywhere, every time. 

Some believe that on an evolutionary standpoint, this idea is helpful and much easily passed on that the opposite- that children bring suffering. 

Young adults in the US on having children 

Trends in the US show that milestones like getting married and starting a family is happening later compared to older generations. But in a 2023 survey among young adults between the 18 to 34 years of age and unmarried say that in the future, they also want to become parents. 

Among those who said so, half were sure they want to have children, one third said they are not yet sure, and about one fifth said they do not want to become parents. 

Where does the American adult’s feeling of fulfillment come from? 

In 2023, Pew Research Center asked what makes US adults 18-34 years old happy. Here are the results: 

• Majority say that feeling satisfied with their job and having happy relationships with close friends are the topmost reasons for feeling fulfilled. 
• 1 in 10 say that having children is extremely or very important in their life satisfaction. 

After the Covid-19 pandemic, news about decreasing birth rates around the world including in the US have caused a lot of discussions as to why this is so. If being parents does increase happiness, why are more and more people having fewer children? 

Top results include medical and financial reasons for both groups who are unmarried with no kids and married with kids. 

What is happiness in parenthood? 

• Happiness from parenting is lowest in the US. Looking at factors around parenting, it seems that external factors have a powerful effect in decreasing parents’ happiness in the US. These include unsatisfactory paid parenting leave, fewer sick or vacation days and less work schedule flexibility in the US compared to other countries. 

• Parents report that they are actually more stressed as parents than when they were child-free. This is especially seen when parents, most probably in their middle age, provide for the needs of a new baby, often being deprived of sleep and food and attendance to social events. 

However, when parents are asked about their wellbeing, they report higher scores in their perceived wellbeing, not necessary happiness. This well being comes from having increased clarity in their perceived meaning of life. This is a source of more long-term satisfaction in life. 

Many parents describe having children as an eye-opening experience about what they really wanted in life- making another person happy and raising a healthy, happy adult. 

Parents report that another thing that makes parenting rewarding is the sense of belonging and companionship that having a family gives them. 

So which is correct, really? Does having children really impact happiness? It seems that the answer is more complicated than a simple Yes and No. 

So taking a look at our own views about parenthood can help us find and nurture what motivates and makes us happy about being parents. A rosy view of being a parent is a view that we choose to take, and happiness in it grows as it is nurtured. 

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