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I Just Caught My Husband Having An Affair With Our 21 Year Old Nanny. We Have 3 Kids Together. I Love Him But Feel Betrayed And Humiliated. Should I Leave Him?
Together. I Love Him But Feel Betrayed And Humiliated. Should I Leave Him?
Marriage has always been the end game in every love story. The credits rolled out, and people left
the theater and lived to tell what a wonderful movie they just watched.
However, in real life, it does not always go according to the director's cut. Behind the scenes of
every marriage, there are many beautiful imperfections as well as ugly drawbacks.
One of the hideous defects in marriage is cheating-almost one of the inhibitors of breakups and
divorces in the US alone. It is much worse when the cheating occurs in the supposed haven of
your home and with the people you trust.
So the question is, should you leave a cheating husband with a 21-year-old nanny?
It may have been easy to jump into the wagon of divorcees and feel empowered by your new
independence. However, children may be the first ones who will be severely affected by their
Studies show that children's performance at school declines after a divorce. Some even struggle
with anxiety or depression for the first year or two of their parents' separation. There are those
teenagers who resent their parents and blame both parties for not working out the marriage.
Children are not the only variables in the equation. Financial stability may also be affected. In
the US, families moved into smaller houses since a single-earner parent can no longer hold the
expenses of the household that two working parents supposedly can sustain. Also, there's a
problem with the dynamic of parenting style in the future. A step-parents' and step-siblings'
relationship is one of the challenges that should be addressed. Otherwise, it will be another
chaotic household in the absence of harmonious living for the involved people.
I know it's a lot to take in especially considering all those aftermaths that you don't wish for
your family-especially the children. But when you are being cheated on, it seems that you'd be
willing to go through all that to separate yourself completely from the cheater who made you
feel betrayed, humiliated, and think a little less of yourself.
While there is no excuse for cheating no matter how the world makes it appear righteous on
some occasion (defending men who did it at the expense of wives or baby mommas), you must
know that it isn't your fault why they cheat. It is them and them alone. So, they must take
responsibility for their actions.
If your family is worth saving for ( at the very least, for the children), then you should be ready
for the following:
1. Talk with Husband
Let him know about his scandalous escapade of rowing boat in two lakes. That you are aware of
his cheating and that doesn't sit well with you. Be sure the children are out because this 'talk'
could get ugly. There may be confrontations and denials( men will do this) before the
admittance of the sin.
Now that they have a piece of your thoughts and some more pieces loaded off your chest, the
hardest part is to listen. Yeah, I know it might take some ninja skill to really suppress yourself
from launching a bazooka gun on their faces. You are angry and want some instant relief of
vengeance. But it would be best if you heard them out. Deal with it with eyes single to save
the marriage and the family.
If they swore with their lives not to do it again and that they feel remorse over the misdeed,
then you are set for the next step.
3. Make them Pay
No. It's not revenge of all sorts. It is however much harder than that--taking them responsible
for their actions. First, they must feel sorry for all the fiber of their being. Second, they should
ask for an apology. Third, they should end the affair. And fourth, they should try to win you
over and over again until trust is rebuilt again.
4. Take Councils Together
Infidelity is hard to swallow as it is and it will keep festering the cheater and the cheated on for
many years. To avoid that, a complete healing is needed. With the help of marriage counselors
and therapists, couples can bounce back to their previous happy state with total healing from
In conclusion, no matter what road you take, make sure to spare a heart of forgiveness. As this
principle will give you complete freedom from all the negative emotions. Whether you end up
in divorce or not, do it for yourself if that is what you think is best for you and your family. Good