Money talks are so stressful! Can married couples just live their financial lives separately?

Money talks are so stressful! Can married couples just live their financial lives separately? 

Two people who grew up under different circumstances,  bring with them their unique personalities,  both good and bad habits,  eccentricities, and their own expectations into their marriage. Then the realities of life hit them. The result? Stress from conflict. It is unavoidable.

One area that brings so much stress to a marriage is finances, and according to author and Harvard professor Elizabeth Warren, many families in the US are now living close to bankruptcy. This puts a lot of strain in marriages and families. 

Money talks

Couples have serious questions to consider in order to protect their family from serious and negative life events such as: 

• If one of us loses our job, can one income be enough? 
• If one of us gets sick, how can we keep the family afloat? 
• How can we prepare for negative life events? 
• How can we best  navigate through financial challenges? 

In order to answer these questions, couples have to communicate about their finances. Being able to communicate in a healthy way about money is essential to relationship success. In contrast, avoiding the issue leads to both relationship and financial suffering. 

Weathering financial storms together.

Some couples decide to manage their own finances, while others choose to assign the management of their finances to one of them, but in both situations, communication is vital. 

Here are some strategies to help couples get through financial difficulties and establish a healthy financial life: 

• Agree upon and work on a “rainy day fund” 

A “rainy day fund” is simply money set aside for life’s emergencies and it is used to pay for unexpected expenses. Studies have presented that in the past 30 years, the risk of experiencing events with financial consequences have increased.

Having a fund worth a few months’ expenses saved up may save the couple from financial ruin, or delay its consequences. Saving up an emergency fund is the first step to financial preparedness. 

• Agree on what is good debt and what is bad debt. 

Although research has shown that married couples have more success in building wealth compared to people who are single, debt is one of the biggest reasons for financial problems in couples.

It was also seen that the more debt increases, marriage satisfaction decreases due to time spent arguing about money.

Debt that leads to creation of value can be considered a good debt, while debt that does not increase value to the couple is a bad debt. When couples sit down and talk about it before making financial decisions like taking out a loan or using credit cards, they are able to tie up their financial goals to their money-related decisions. 

• Agree on and set financial goals together. 

Having a sit-down, listing down personal debts, the sources of these debts and their interest rates, making action plans to tackle them one by one and creating goals and plans to move forward will allow couples to see where they are currently in their financial life, set a destination and build a road map towards their financial future. 

Honest and purposeful communication is at the heart of healthy marriages and healthy finances. Whatever plans and strategies couples choose to manage their finances, building healthy communication skills, and working day by day to implement action plans together creates a healthy financial future for both. 

Couples can benefit from both financial education and relationship-building skills. Ask for assistance from a licensed family counselor or professional social worker to help you. 

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