Can we survive a long distance relationship? How do other people do it? 

Is all the effort worth it? Is this going to work out in the end? Do we even feel the same way? 

Distance can bring doubts to any relationship. Being separated from the one you love is probably one of the biggest hurdles you will go through as a couple and it is no wonder why couples in long-distance relationships have to ask themselves again and again, “Can we survive this long distance relationship?” 

Let’s start with a positive note. Long-distance couples can overcome this situation! Many are living testaments that it even made their relationship stronger. However, this situation is also not for the faint-hearted due to its challenges. 

Challenges in long distance romantic relationships (LDRs) 

Couples in LDRs say that they: 

• Feel constant pain from the separation that is only partially remedied by Facetimes, chats and video calls. 

• Feel low confidence in their current maturity to be able to handle the distance
• Fall into the trap of idealizing their partners as perfect, especially when they don’t get much time to get to know them
• Fail to agree on communication boundaries, making communication demands and expectations very difficult to achieve 

Effective strategies to survive and thrive in long distance romantic relationships

• Communicate to feel as connected and intimate as possible. 

Knowing your communication style and preferences and your partner’s too is the beginning. Then come to an agreement on how often and how much time you need to spend in order to feel connected. Messaging and video calling apps and accessibility to the Internet are not hindrances anymore, but not being on the same page with your partner can be harmful to your relationship. When one’s expectations about communication are not met, it may lead to conflict.

Some couples feel the need to greet one another at the start of the day,  update one another every several hours and spend more time video calling before their day ends, but other couples may prefer more time or less time than this. 

In addition, when communication is not forced and based on both party’s preferences, you can prepare topics to talk about and focus on quality conversations, rather than quantity. Reminding and assuring one another of your feelings of love and care help strengthen your bond. 

• Increase hope by planning. 

LDRs grow in the hope that in the future, you will be together, before each other’s eyes. Instead of doing something illogical like moving to your partner’s geographic location, remember the reason for your distance. Are you doing it for an important personal goal? Then strive to reach it first where you are, while both of you are making future plans to be together. 

Making decisions after carefully weighing their pros and cons and choosing what will benefit you both in the long-term will further strengthen the foundation of your relationship. 

Get to know one another’s life vision, values and goals, and when they align, make action plans towards your mutual vision. Even though you are miles apart, you are getting closer to the life you both want together. 

• Always look forward to something together. 

The truth is, relationships need to go through milestones in order to grow. These can be your next get together, your next vacation, or the time you finally move in together . They are big life events that your relationship will root for, keeping you both excited and happy as you wait. They serve as glue to unite you. 

• Support each other’s lives, interests and growth.  

Couples who survive long distance relationships are those whose individual lives continue to improve while they are apart. Having your own career, interests and mission in life and growing in them is both normal and they are signs that you are maturing. As you increase in your individual maturity, you have more room to grow your union. 

Distance is a challenge in a couple’s strength and intimacy, but by managing each other's communication expectations, setting common goals and supporting each other’s growth, your long distance relationship can succeed! 

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