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My marriage has gone stale. What can I do to revive it?

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My marriage has gone stale. What can I do to revive it? 

Marriages are many people’s source of affection, friendship, and intimacy. Healthy marriages contribute to couples’ positive physical and mental health and these benefits are extended to their children as well. 

However, marriages that experience long-term troubles can also become the primary source of high-level stress. In a study about trends in attitudes about marriage, it has been found that the number of men and women in the US who believe that divorce is the best solution when a couple cannot solve their marriage troubles has decreased from 46.7 percent in 2022 to 38 percent in 2013.

Many married couples are finding ways to revive their marriage, while working out solutions to their marriage problems. 

What does research have to say?

But the question is, is there still a chance for marriages that are troubled? Studies involving thousands of couples have revealed that the chances of a marriage thriving or breaking involves a variety of factors. Some factors that are out of our control are ethnic background and socioeconomic factors. Meanwhile, some are within the couples’ power to change.

In order to make love last, or revive feelings of love and connection, we can focus on the things that we can control. 

  • Learn to manage stress in a healthy way. The way we handle life’s daily stressors has a crucial part in how we deal with the closest relationship we have- our spouse.

A 2012 study has found that the way a spouse who had encountered a negative situation would treat their partner afterwards had either a negative or positive effect on the quality of their interactions. It also influenced how they would rate their satisfaction of their overall relationship.

Being aware of your stress management techniques and asking for help or training in managing unhealthy behavior when you are stressed are helpful to keep the relationship healthy. 

  • Find and invest in strong social support networks. Chronic stress is like poison that slowly kills a marriage. A buffer from life’s stress can be our close friends and family who assist us and provide encouragement. Aside from that, our peers and other married couples who are our friends can give us instruction and guidance about areas that we struggle with in our marriage. Older married couples and parents within our social circle can even give us wisdom and counseling based on their own married life and parenting experiences. 
  • Talk your heart out towards each other. Regularly checking in with each other is key to a lasting marriage and much more in a troubled marriage. One reason feelings of disconnectedness, hurt and even anger even start is when we feel we are not known, seen or heard by our spouse. 

If the wound is now too deep, help from a marriage counselor or therapist might be valuable to a couple who need guidance in opening up an honest and heart-to-heart communication. But the point is to spend some moments every day talking about deeper and more intimate subjects. Everyone grows and changes, and so does a marriage. It takes authentic conversations for couples to establish deeper knowledge of one another. 

  • Inject more positive interactions and gratitude. When was the last time the two of you celebrated small wins and expressed gratitude for one another? When something good happens, express your support and happiness to one another

Maybe over familiarity with one another has affected our ability to see fresh events in our married life and it is quite a normal experience. It is recommended that we do three things to slow this down. 

  • Include new experiences. - Doing something adventurous together can bring back the old feelings of youth. 
  • Make varieties of usual events. - Do you usually go hiking? Find a new spot or a new route to spice things up. 
  • Add surprises. - Is there something that your partner has been putting off, but you can give it to them as a surprise? It shows your thoughtfulness and care. 

It is normal for all marriages to have good times and bad times, but by learning to deal with your stress in healthy ways, communicating heart to heart, and adding novel experiences, you can reignite feelings of love and connection. 

The earlier you start taking care of your marriage, the stronger your union becomes.  

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My marriage has gone stale. What can I do to revive it?
Brandon Resasco