Is it true that women are more attracted to "bad boys"? What's the catch?

It has been used as a plot in too many romantic stories, movies, and novels. Women overlook the kind and considerate dude next door, and fall in love with the more adventurous, charismatic guy who has the reputation of being “bad.” 

When it comes to dating, initial attraction and romantic appeal, many women seem to be more interested in men who appear to be “bad boys.” 

Why is that? Some say that this can be the effect of conditioning we receive from the media. We grew up with tales or shows that emphasize that the more unpredictable and interesting a man is, the more attractive he is. 

But first, let us talk about what a “bad boy” is. 

High testosterone in men results in higher sex drive, bone mass and muscle mass. These are typically signs of masculinity. 

In the case of men who appear masculine or even hypermasculine, increased testosterone can lead to appearing more confident, and more “manly” traits.  

Other traits associated with being a “bad boy” are: 

• Being rebellious
• Being less emotionally available
• Having signs of narcissism ( arrogance, lack of boundaries, willingness to exploit others, etc) 
• Having signs of a Machiavellian personality ( focused on their own interests, tendency to manipulate and deceive others) 
• Having signs of being psychopathic (antisocial and impulsive) 

When these traits are lumped into one person’s personality, we might think that it is a major red flag. We should be careful about them, right? But no. Some women seem to be drawn to these types of personalities. 

Most women would of course define their ideal long term partner as one who is rather kind, responsible, and honest, but unconsciously women are drawn to the opposite. 

Let us take a look at different perspectives why this is so. 

• If a bad boy treats almost everybody rudely, and a woman becomes the exception to the rule, does this make the woman feel special? The problem with this is that when the woman does not meet the bad guy’s expectation, she may fall prey to abuse. 

• Movies and other forms of media may have conditioned society to be more accepting of the attitudes and behavior of a “bad boy” including his way of disrespecting a romantic partner. 

• “Bad boys” who tend to have manipulative behaviors seem to know the right thing to say to attract a woman. Acting as though they are powerful and not afraid of the consequences of their actions add to the appeal. 

• Women may have been influenced to believe that true self-confidence in men is expressed by being rebellious, too special to follow the rules, and appearing strong all the time. Women are looking for someone with confidence, an appealing personality and charisma, but may fall for someone who turns out to be manipulative, narcissistic or abusive. 

• Do women who have unresolved childhood trauma and family issues tend to fall for bad boys? Does someone who did not receive validation as a child end up choosing the wrong partner? 

• For women who do not want to settle down in a long-term relationship yet, dating a bad guy would mean a time of adventure, fun, and play. 

• Do women who date bad boys believe that they are the ones who can change the bad boy for the better? Is a woman’s love enough to turn a bad boy into someone who fits the mold of an ideal partner? In this case, the woman may be setting herself up for pain. It is because a man who has major emotional issues needs help, treatment and therapy in order to find mental and emotional wellness. 

If you have been in this situation before and you see a repeated pattern of choosing a person who eventually ends up hurting or abusing you, there might be a need to look inwards. Why are you drawn to bad guys? 

Check out how a counselor or therapist can help you find old wounds from your past that might influence you to choose a certain type of romantic partner. 

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