Which is better, finding love early in life or late in the game?

Finding love that lasts can be counted as a blessing and a privilege. Meeting the right person and forging a healthy relationship with them takes more than just luck. It takes work and commitment. But do you ever wonder how we can increase our chances in finding lasting love? Does our age have something to do with it? 

Obstacles to love

First, let’s take a look at what people say are the most common obstacles to finding the right person. 

• Emotional baggage. Parenting where we did not have a model of what a healthy and loving relationship looks like. 
• Past dating history where relationships only last for a short period
• Attraction to types of people who are not equipped for the emotional maturity that long term relationships need
• The habit of making the same bad choices due to unresolved trauma or issues
• Not being in an environment where you can meet people with similar interests or life values

Healthy relationships across age groups 

So, what are the commonalities of healthy relationships? It will guide us in looking for green flags in our relationships. 

• The connection is meaningful for both parties. Your emotional needs for love are satisfied. 
• Communication is valued. You are able to resolve disagreements with respect and honesty. There is safety in expressing your mind, and you have healthy ways of discussing. You can come to an agreement, whether you are on the same side or you agree to disagree. 
• Relationships with family and friends outside the romantic relationship also thrive. You grow in a community of a supportive network. 

Healthy relationships are based on trust, respect and love. 

Finding love early or finding love late. Which overcomes obstacles and increases our chances of a healthy relationship? 

Now that we know the foundations of healthy relationships and the obstacles to finding lasting love, should we look for love early or try to find it later in life? 

Finding love early

Society’s view of love in the 21st century says that in order to find the best person to love and be the best partner to them is that we need to be close to perfect. We need to be whole. Because our best life will be our offer to the other person. But does that put too much pressure on young people who want to date and find love?

• Finding love in early adulthood allows you to grow with the other person. You both are work in progress. It does not mean you remain who you are, but you become more mature together, and love the changes in one another. 
• You get to learn the skills needed for strong relationships and enjoy adventures together. Since you both are young and energetic, you have time and energy to work on yourselves. In addition, most young people in love start to live apart from their families earlier and they learn to rely on one another. 

Finding love late

In a 2022 survey of Americans, almost half of the 54 million who are 65 years old and older are single.  One factor is the rising divorce rates in the US. Many are discovering the advantages of finding love again or for the first time in their middle to late adulthood.

• Those who married later in life say they finally understood how important communication is, based on their previous experiences with poor and failed communication. Older adults say they know how to listen to and talk to each other. One of the most important factors in their relationship is their clarity of and openness to talk about their values. 
• Because of their past experiences, both good and bad life choices, they are more open to loving and accepting their partners as a whole person, along with their past. They perceive more trust in the relationship. 

Whether you have been blessed to find love early or late, do not be afraid to embrace growth in your personal life and in your romantic relationship. Success in romantic love will be based more on your attitudes and habits that express love and respect than when you found love. 

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