It hurts, but my teenage daughter said I need to develop some self awareness. I guess I should give it a try.

There are so many parenting tools and approaches that make parenting effective and fulfilling, but in the last century, the approach to parenting has shifted. There is now more focus on the parents, and the quality of their parenting. 

Research about parents who had physical and mental trauma from childhood now abound, suggesting that these childhood wounds are being passed on to their future children unconsciously. Mental health professionals also have noticed that when parents undergo intervention such as counseling and talking therapy, problems with their children’s behavior also get solved.

Not lack of love, but the need for self-awareness

Parenting is composed of parenting perspectives, parenting styles and daily parenting acts. It is a worthwhile endeavor, but many parents feel stuck in different areas of parenting, wondering why they see negative outcomes in their parenting, despite the love and care they give to their children. 

In a study entitled “Understanding Parents’ Self-Awareness of Their Parenting Style(s) and Its Influences on Their Parenting Choices”, researchers studied how self-awareness about parenting styles affect daily parenting acts and choices among parents who had 11-year old children.  

The research came up with seven main areas that affect self-awareness about parenting styles that affect daily choices:

• The role of comparison of own parenting style with others’ and impact of social media on parenting approach

• Parents do their best based on their past learnings and experiences

• Parents take care of mental health and well-being with minimal cognitive effort, and not really thinking much about it 

• Parenting is hard and parenting can be a lonely experience

• Parents have to deal with the impact of their childhood experiences

• Parents experience the pressure to be perfect parents, but not having enough time to learn and perfect it 

• Parenting intentionality is achieved through self-awareness and reflection

Through these major themes, we see the challenges that parents face daily. You are a dedicated parent, but maybe more self-awareness is needed. 

Parenting with a survival mindset or parenting guided by personal values

Becoming self-aware in our parenting style moves us away from parenting with a survival mindset towards parenting guided by personal values. 

When we engage in knowing how we think, feel and behave, we can increase our grasp with relationship-building with our children. 

Many parents raise their children based on how they were raised by their own parents. Most often, it is control-based, rather than encouraging self-control and teaching children to regulate their own behaviors and make their own decisions which are skills they badly need as adults. 

Sadly, statistics estimate that only at least 15% of the population have self-awareness. This tells us that parents still have a lot of room to develop this skill.

When we create room for us to grow in our self-awareness, we see ourselves learning to listen more, reflect on our own habits, manage our own emotions. This allows us our children to open our relationship to our contribution and insight as parents.

Growing in self-awareness

How do parents develop self-awareness? First, it involves parents taking on the responsibility to grow themselves. It starts with the parent. 

• Are you open to unlearn bad habits that you learned as a child?

• Are you open to seeking education about healthy ways to manage your own feelings? 

• Are you committed to monitoring your own habits and mood and checking how it affects your children? 

These questions open parents up to the start of their journey. Parents become aware of the impact of their own actions and they take accountability. 

Parents and primary caregivers have the biggest influence on children. Make this as an empowering theme to guide you in choosing parenting practices and habits. It will be hard, but being consistent in parenting based on your values will help mold your parenting style. Press on! 

Connect with mental health career opportunities such as mental health therapist, psychologist, and mental health counselor jobs across the US and start a rewarding career in the healthcare industry! 

Meta description: Read about the seven themes that many parents experience as they grow in their self awareness. Also check out some questions that will assess parents’ readiness to grow in self-awareness in this article.