Why is it so hard for me to ask for help? Do people really want to help me?

“Just one foot in front of the other” is a good mantra when you find yourself on the verge of deciding to ask for mental health help or not. 

They say that in every worthwhile and life-changing decision, the hardest part is the first step. And when it comes to mental health issues, just make sure to take this first step- asking for help. 

Why is it hard to ask for help? 

Probably one of the biggest obstacles we face in attempting to get support for our mental health is the stigma around mental health and mental illnesses. 

Opening up to family and friends about our mental health struggles can be scary. We may feel that we would be easily judged and seen as “crazy” or “weak”  which is very hurtful. 

Also, independence and self-sufficiency is a highly valued skill in society. Although these are indeed beneficial traits, it also places heavy pressure on us to always be capable of managing our stress, coping well, and overcoming any challenge. We fear that by admitting our struggles, we become a load for others to carry. 

This intense pressure to appear independent and strong may stop us from sharing our difficulties and getting the appropriate help. 

Lastly, there are mental health issues that make one feel lonely, hopeless, and numb. The symptoms we feel may be the very reason we are hindered from seeking help. 

There are no “insignificant” mental health challenges

Each person’s ability and readiness to deal with mental health challenges depends on many factors. And at any point in life, one stressor that might be easy for some to handle may be overwhelming to another. 

So whether the symptoms you feel may be “small”, you can still benefit from seeking mental health help early on. 

• How persistent are your mental health struggles? 
• How do they disrupt your everyday life? 
• How much is their impact on your relationships?
• How do they impact your school life and work life? 

Does a healthy state in our mental health mean that we have zero mental health struggles? No, it doesn’t. Both the pleasant and unpleasant emotions, behaviors and attitudes make up our mental wellbeing. It means that in different moments of life, we can be stressed, joyful, anxious, overwhelmed, excited, grieving, etc. These are all part of our mental health. 

It is when we feel that our responses, behaviors, attitudes and emotions are causing persistent harm to ourselves and others that we can start seeking help. 

How can I ask for help? 

• What help or support do you want? You recognize that you may be in an unpleasant state in your mental health. The first step is figuring out what you need at this moment. Commonly, we want to feel that people close to us understand us. Also, we may want the professional opinion or a trusted mental health professional. 

• Who can you talk to about the help you need? Choose to open up to someone you trust, someone you know who cares about you, or someone whose opinion you value. These include: a trusted family member, a close friend, a spiritual leader who knows you, a health care professional who can refer you to a trusted mental health therapist, a support group or a mental health helpline. 

• Where and when can you open up? Choose a venue that you would be comfortable sharing in, preferably somewhere private. It could be personal, via phone call or video call. Schedule a meetup or a call with that person. 

• How can you talk about it? The actual conversation might overwhelm you with emotions, so be ready to calm yourself down. Practice deep breaths when the emotions run high. Describe to the person how you feel, what you think, and  how you behave in certain situations that concern you. 

• You did a great job! Asking for help is already a reason to be proud of, regardless of the result of those conversations. If the person you talked to is not ready to help, do not be discouraged. You can find another person to share with, or better yet, find a health professional to assist you. 

Remember that you have taken the first step, and you are to put one foot in front of the other. Help is out there, and people care. 

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