What are the signs that I lack emotional strength? And how can I become more emotionally mature?

Some can manage their anger, but struggle with expressing their appreciation. Others are good at showing empathy, but have a hard time dealing with personal frustrations. 

This is the process of becoming more emotionally mature. We are constantly changing, and growing in our ability to regulate, control and express our feelings. 

Myths about Emotional Maturity

What do you picture in your mind when you think of an emotionally mature person? Is it one who is all zen and seemingly not affected by negative emotions? Is it a person who is able to suppress their feelings, so that they appear calm all the time?  

In truth, when we have mature psychological development, we are able to express our emotions without restraint or express them appropriately based on the situation. And we all go through different levels of maturity at different moments in our lives. 

One encouragement we can take from this is that being immature emotionally is not a bad thing. It is not evil to be immature. But we can learn life lessons from stages and circumstances in our lives and use them to grow to more emotionally mature people. 

Emotional Mismatch

Are you an adult, but you feel that your emotional maturity is below what is expected? Well, many people are in the same boat. One big factor in our current maturity is how behaviors were modeled to us when we were children. We may find ourselves still resorting to throwing tantrums, yelling, and defensiveness when we get into a fight with our partner because that was how we saw our primary caregivers handled their emotions. 

Our life experiences, especially the difficult ones, give us opportunities to practice and grow in emotional maturity. The more we put into action values such as vulnerability, honesty, empathy, etc, we grow in these areas and become more resilient. 

Growing in emotional maturity

One of the most fulfilling areas of personal growth is emotional maturity and working on it will have its rewards. 

• Do we lack awareness? Or can we balance self-care with care for others? 

A sign of emotional immaturity is not considering how their actions affect other people, and not being aware of the part their own emotions play in their behavior. 

On the other hand, an emotionally mature person is conscious and able to recognize and understand their own emotions, regulate them and even have insight on other people’s emotions. They can show empathy to others because they are secure in their own emotions.

Grow in maturity by learning the skill of identifying your own emotions. 

• Are you stuck in ineffective communication or are you a collaborative communicator? 

When faced with a highly-charged and emotional situation, an emotionally immature person might shut down, become very defensive or become reactive. 

Meanwhile, part of an emotionally mature person’s skill is managing conflict. They know how to listen actively, take different viewpoints and are open to change. 

Learn healthy and effective ways of communication to assist you in dealing with conflicts. 

• Do you avoid responsibility or take accountability? 

Emotionally immature people experience the effects of not taking responsibility in their roles at home, work or school. They have a problem in owning up to them, and often blame others for the consequences.  

On the contrary, taking accountability and being able to follow through with one’s commitments are signs of emotional maturity. These people take credit for the success from their actions, and take the responsibility when things do not work out. 

Start taking on small roles and responsibilities and practice accountability. As you grow your accountability muscle, you are more ready to take on bigger things! 

Everyone is in the process of growing in maturity and everyone wavers. One helpful tip to sustain us is to be kind to ourselves. We may still miss it. We will not be able to act maturely 100% of the time in all situations. But let’s continue to work on it. You and I are a work in progress! 

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