I want to learn to love well! What are the different love languages and which love languages are compatible?

What is the secret of couples who seem to be so connected and loving to each other? Why do some friendships last the test of time? What makes some parents effective in building strong connections with their children? 

It may be that they have decoded each other’s love languages! 

When counselor and therapist Gary Chapman published his book The 5 Love Languages in 1992, it created waves of impact in many individual’s lives, in the family setting, in the workplace, in churches, and other industries. In fact, 20 million copies of the book have been sold and it has been translated to over 50 languages.

What are the 5 love languages and how can they be expressed? 

The goal of understanding love languages is to increase our ability to see how our significant others express their love to us, and to improve how we share our expressions of love to them. The goal is to strengthen our relationships and make them more meaningful. 

1. Words of affirmation- “You are beautiful like the sunset.”
2. Quality time-  “Let’s watch the sunset together.”
3. Receiving Gifts- “I bought you an artwork of the sunset.” 
4. Acts of service-   “I cooked you your favorite dish. Let’s eat it beside the beach.”
5. Physical touch- “Let me hug you like the sunset hugs the sky.” 

How do you like to receive love? How do you like to give love? The 5 love languages provide us with a guide to reflect on our own wants and needs. We can also use it to ask our partners about their preferences. Then we can use the knowledge to talk about these needs and wants in a healthy way. 

Are there love language pairings that match more and allow us to get along more with others? And can we still change our love languages? 

More often than not, we do not express and receive love the same way as our partner or significant other does. When we do not know about the love languages, conflicts may happen though both love one another! 

• Are we more compatible with people who express and receive love the way we do? 

Definitely. If we and our partner receive love through words of affirmation, we are more attuned to their needs and even without thinking too much about it, our small acts towards them already make them feel loved. When you give and receive praise here and there all throughout the day, both of you feel appreciated.

• Our love language can evolve! 

Our upbringing can influence how we like to give and receive love. What our parents modeled and provided influence how we communicate our affections. So it is possible to still improve on and develop the love

• Words of affirmation and Quality Time match. 

A pairing of words of affirmation and quality time seem to complement. When one of you feels loved when you spend intimate and undisturbed time together, then you have more opportunities to have heart-to-heart conversations! In this way, both feel loved. 

• Acts of service and receiving gifts complement each other. 

The relationship of one who loves to receive gifts may grow with a person who loves through service. The effort made by the person who takes time and effort to do or buy something can be interpreted also as love through gifts! 

When the other who loves by giving presents involves thoughtfulness and work in obtaining the present, the one who receives love through acts of service understands the message clearly! 

• Physical touch and quality time also go well together! 

The more time a couple spends together, the more opportunities they have to hold hands, cuddle, hug and express their love through physical touch. 

Use the 5 love languages to show your loved ones that you see them and you want to improve your relationship with them. The more you improve on your skills, the stronger your relationships become! 

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